Six Months in a Leaky Boat - Part 1 of 3

He may be the Captain but he ain't the boss


So we have officially made it six months on the boat.  For those non NZ/Aussies, the boat is not actually leaky, this is merely a reference to an awesome Slit Ends song.


This post is one of a three part series that will summarise our reflections about our experience so far.  The three topics will be - how we are managing with each other, the boat, and the lifestyle.


This post is about how we are managing with each other, hence the apt heading "He may be the Captain be he ain't the boss"


Maintaining a relationship is hard enough in and of itself.  But try adding being with eachother 24/7 in a confined space, where one partner is given the title of "Captain" and therefore can tell you what to do. Maintaining a relationship under these circumstances is a miracle (especially when the wife is loud-mouthed feminist and lawyer, and the husband likes to throw the terms "Anchor Wench", "Galley Slave" and "Boat B*tch").


So do we fight?  Of course we fight!  We wouldn't be married if we didn't.  But disagreements must be quickly addressed, fought about, and then we move on.  It's a great lesson that we have learnt so far.


So is Gary really Captain?  Well, yes he is, for the "important" decisions like, "we should tack now" or "let's pull out the headsail".  But all other decisions such as "what anchorage are we staying at?", "what are we doing today?", "can I buy this?" and "can I have an icecream?" are made by yours truly.  Despite being Captain, Gary is still reprimanded for failing to put his snorkeling gear away, not cleaning up after meals, or failing to attend to all strange noises between 6pm and 6am.


How are Gary's Captain skills?  Well, they are improving.  I have been trying to train him not to be the "pitball" he is used to being on Wednesday night races, that goes for the throat of anyone not doing something fast enough.  I am encouraging him to be more like the owner of the boat he used to race on in NZ, who would be cool, calm and collected no matter what the pressure and less like a racer generally - nothing really has to be done that quick in most circumstances!  I have tried to counsel him through some questionable mental states when he gets over excited thinking he is in the midst of a do or die race whenever he sees an Aussie boat (although disappointingly, the Aussie boat's captain came to congratulate us for our "win").  I used to joke to Gary about all the other Gary's he was inviting along when we go sailing.  Shouty Gary hasn't made an appearance in some time, phew!


Gary is learning to cope with me 24/7.  He has learnt that he must ensure I am fed, watered and given sufficient shut eye each night or else all hell breaks loose.  The cat seems to be an exaggerated version of me, and Gary has been learning a lot of good lessons through his interactions with the cat such as she will scratch or bite if you don't give her space, or try to pat her incorrectly, or sometimes just because she is in a grumpy mood.


I think we have learnt more about each other in the last 6 months than most people learn about their spouses in 6 years.  We are still married after 6 months on the boat (although only 3 months of marriage) what a feat!